Wow! What a week it has been for me. I've been earning money that I need to pay the rent, car and living in another country by not just working in the film industry, but I'm now also modeling. Sometimes, not always.

I never thought I had the face to be a model until two weeks ago, the lovely second producer, Melinda, asked me if I ever wanted to pose for magazines. I just replied, "Only if I don't have to be naked and I get money". She laughed and gave me her sister's number if I wanted to try out because her sister needed new models for a Winter photo shoot for a magazine she works for. Obviously, I decided to call her sister, Lyn, and sent photos of myself, had an interview to talk things through so yes... now I hope I'll be doing more photo shoots because I need money.

But yes, being a director's assistant is brilliant and great! Even if it's hard work most of the time. It starts early and finishes late so I end up not having a social life.

I just got a letter from Lyn and the photos that I've done for the magazine and I look... pretty. Actually, I am laughing at myself because I'm pretty much a poser. There is five pictures in the actual magazine even if the photographer took thirty!

At least the park here is nice and not raining. Thank goodness!

Right now I'm sitting in a little cafe just near my apartment I'm renting for about 9 months. I am looking through stapled bunches of white paper to see if the production schedule is going on time for work, with my i-pod on and my black pen in my mouth. My coffee on the table is probably cold by now.

I have to go to set in a few hours to meet with the others so I have to try to read through everything by then.

Last few days ago, I saw Bob for the first time and he looked the same really. Cute, rosy cheek and all. We had a great chat and I am glad I bumped into him in the streets. Also the day after, I saw Rita working in a cafe so that was awesome! She looked beautiful as usual. Ok, maybe hot but I'm not saying that out loud.

Oh my god. What have I done? I was swimming with Jeremy and things just happened. I feel miserable because I thought of how Michael and Jeremy had a thing together before...

I don't know if it was the right thing to do but it felt so great and... *sighs*. Now all I know is that things between Parker and I are entirely going to end. I still don't know how I feel about that. Numb? Just from feeling pain, lust, hurt and torment all at the same time. Who am I to talk! I probably don't even know what real agony is like.

Right now, I have fallen into a deep warm hole that I have created for myself. It is safe and secure. The walls are just too high for someone to reach me. Just hope I can keep it up until I can fade away. No one is going to remember me but I don't mind. Not at all.

I just want to go home.

Well, I am back from the hospital. Thank goodness. I saw Glenn in one of the rooms but the nurse wouldn't be me see him. I wonder what he did to deserve to be in hospital...

My arms feel kind of numb and I am a little out of it for the past two days. I can't believe Taylor came in like that. What a fucker! Amber rang me because she heard the news. She said she was sorry for not ringing me earlier because she didn't think it would be a problem. I feel like crying my eyes out but I won't. I am too tired. Too hurt.

The girls dorm seems empty as I place my bag on the floor near my bed. I see my blanket is still stained with blood. My blood. I tug the blanket and throw it into the washing basket. Bloody hell, I feel like I am going crazy! My hair is so messy, my face is pale and I look like I'm on drugs.

I was thinking of locking the door but I can't, as there are other girls who need to come in. Maybe I'll just keep a blade near my bedside table, just incase. Next time he comes after me, I swear I will be the first to kill him this time.

Great. I was walking back from the shops from Tescos and went straight to my dorm to find Taylor, my ex-boyfriend, waiting for me in the dark. The most fucking scariest thing I have seen in my life. I knew he would come after me eventually. But if he ever finds out about Parker, oh my god... I have no idea what Taylor's going to do to him.

All I remember is that we talked followed by me attempting to run way then Taylor grabbing me in time and trying to kill me with a cutter from one of the girl’s draws. I can feel the blade slice into my bare skin and I glance down at my arms. Appears and feels like blood is pouring out of my skin.

There is a certain sound of footsteps strolling pass the girl’s dorm. He drops me onto the floor, hisses bitterly for me not to call for help or he will kill me, followed by him running out of the door. I try to yell at him but I’m feeling shocked, exhausted and sore. I crawl over to the phone on the desk and try to contact the school nurse but instead I feel light-headed and black out on the wooden floor.

So this week has been eventful! Since founding out about Parker and Paul, going shopping for a beautiful dress with Bob, talking to Paul and attending Bob and Glenn's wedding.

The wedding was great and wonderful! I was a braidsmaidgroom for Glenn and Bob. I took some photos on the camera that I borrowed from school. I used black and white photos so it should turn out beautifully. I also ate a lot so I am probably fat now. Watched how happy the couple looked and felt proud of both of them.

I wish I settled things with Parker already because... well, I have to talk to him before I drive myself crazy!

Now I'm just outside in the garden. Finishing my photos and taking pictures of the lovely flowers and buildings here.

I went out shopping with Bob for a dress since I'm going to be a bridesmaid at Bob and Glenn's wedding.
I'm so happy for them! Also happy about Bob asking me to be his bridesmaid. They deserve a wonderful, joyful and brilliant wedding!
My dress is a cream colour. Very beautiful & simple. See? I have a picture of the dress from the catalog but this one's aqua.





Now I'm hanging outside the boy's dorm, feeling nervous as. I seriously need to talk to Parker.
I am so angry, sad and heart broken over him. I just can't believe it. I guess I need to hear it from him. From that mouth of his.

*sighs*

Last month, my friend Amber phoned me and asked what I was doing during the holidays. Now it has ended up me leaving for Sydney tomorrow. I'm going two weeks to visit my friends and to stay with them for a little while during the school break.
I am a little scared of running into my ex-boyfriend, Taylor. I swear if he sees me when I'm there, I'll be dead. Fuck.
Man, I'll miss everyone here. I've said good-bye to Hannah but not anyone else.

*Finishes zipping up her suitcase and sighs*

There's nothing been going on around here.
I have just finished another English assessment on Changes in this poem I chose.
Where are Hannah and Rita these days?
I am so tried. Agh, I am driving myself insane with school work!
I think I'll have a nap now...

Oh my god. I can't believe last two nights ago I had a dirty dream about Bob. We were assassins, it was pretty cool. I shot some guy called Johnny.
One thing led to another. Then it continued on and it was just Paul and Bob together. So every time I see Bob or Paul, I'll be blushing like mad.
Like when I saw Bob near the river when I was walking back to school... that was so embarrassing!

I've been hanging with Parker, Rita and Michael lately and finishing off my assessments. This school gives us too much bloody work! Agh.
I've only seen Rita and Hannah around. The other girls are probably dead, stoned or sleeping in the library.

Phew! I ran around the whole of the school 20 times. That's my exercise for like the whole week! Yay.

I got in trouble for today for screaming. One of the boys played a nasty trick on me. Throwing dead cockroaches and insects at my face. Evil slag. Well, I got him back for sticking his fat arse onto his chair. Haha, sucker!

So we have a new girl in the girl's dorm, Rita. She seems very lovely. There is something about the girl that I like.

I have no idea where Hannah disappeared off too! She has my Maths textbook and vodka, that bugger. I haven't got myself drunk for ages. All her fault!

*pouts*

I got Parker's letter that he wrote to me so I think I'll write back and just put it on his bed.

Dear Parker,

Hi. Thanks for your letter. I was wondering where you were. I am sorry about your father's condition. I hope he gets better.
I love you and miss you. Come back soon. I will be waiting here for you.

Love Jacqui.
xox

It's so unfair! I come back from shopping, it starts pouring with rain, I get bashed up by random fuckers who wanted money and now I'm bleeding, cold and everything is wet. I had to drag myself back to my dorm room and there's no one here at the moment.

I hate this school. I hate them! How low can they go! If I wasn't the only one against four guys and two girls then maybe I would've survived the bruises and cuts. I'm lucky that bastard didn't stub me. Fuck, everything of me hurts.

Agh, fuck. My head is spinning. At least, I'm not naked. Or sleeping outside or in someone else's bed. I only drank a bit... maybe more than a bit.

*Searches for her painkillers but can't find it*

Why are my painkillers?! I thought I had them in my bag. Oh man. I'll buy some more later. I'll just have to go to class with my head thumping like there are drums in my head. All I remember is that Bob was with me. I think it was Bob.

*Sighs, spots the vodka up on her closet*

What the hell is my vodka doing up there?!?

My dearest friend, Erin, sent me a vintage postcard. I was surprised it was a postcard not a letter. Receiving one is better than all e-mails. I feel loved now.

Nick came to visit me two days ago and he was acting so strangely. I know he's taking pills but is it affecting him? Hmm, I am worried. You know, I am always the comforting one...

It's funny because I miss Parker, Nick, Bob, Michael, Andy and Paul and I've only seen them a few days ago. I always miss everyone. My life are in books and assessments. That's how sad I am. I think I'll go and eat ice cream now. Maybe play a little I-spy for money and vodka game with Hannah.

Yay, vodka. I can get drunk. The first time since 3 weeks.

*Sways around and flops on the floor*

Wow, so many things are going on I can't catch up. I hope Paul's better. I still can't believe he did that. Poor thing. I also wonder who's taking care of Neggy while he's gone.

Finally, I finished by essay on the Second War World. Yay! I need more pens.

Before lunch, I got into a fight with this girl. God, she was such a bitch. She pushed me over in the corridors but being me, I pushed back and we got into a fight. I only have bruises on my arms but she has a bleeding nose and a black eye from me slapping and punching her hard until my hands were numb.

I haven't seen Michael or Andy for ages. I think Andy might be a little angry at me though. *Sighs*

I miss them both. I miss everyone in Australia. It must still be summer time there.

Oh my god! I was walking to my dorm room and had to go past this old classroom that no one goes into. It's the classroom where students have been saying that this student died because he killed himself. It was so scary because I was alone and it was late. Also I heard all these footsteps in the classroom but when I opened the door, there was no one there. I started shaking because I knew it must be something else I couldn't see. Oh dear, I'll never walk that way ever again.

Now I'm back at my dorm. Hannah's sleeping. But I can't sleep because I'm still shaking a little. I know it sounds stupid. Yes, I am afraid of ghosts and things like that but I swore that someone was watching me or in fact that someone was in the room. I could feel their presence.

*Rubs her arms and jumps into her covers*

The garden near the school gate is very peaceful right now. I actually jigged Maths class to come out here. Only brought with me my drawing book, some pencils, mp3 player and my thoughts.

Last night I had this dream. It was pretty embarrassing because it was about Nick. I never thought I would even dream of him like that. *blushes madly* I just won't tell him or hope he doesn't found out because I have written about it in my journal diary. Ander is in very good hands now.

My arms are aching. I fell over and landed arms first on the ground. It hurts.

I've been thinking about things for ages today. I really miss Australia. My childhood memories and friends are there. Now I don't want to tell anyone I want to leave because then they might think I'm just being like everyone else. Does that make sense? There's nothing here anyway except for people who I've made friends with are going to be hard to leave.

It's a little strange right now being alone in my dorm even if I've been by myself for 3 weeks. The girls went to the other boy's dorm to hang out. Hannah offered to stay with me but I didn't want her to be bored. Sweet girl. The other girls just don't really care.

Anyway today I sneaked out and went to visit Paul in hospital. Bob was there watching over him. Thank goodness he's alright. I came back and saw Nick. I give him a little present and talked to him for a while. Now he's probably out to find Alex. I hope he finds him.

Just before, I heard some thumping and voices from the hallway but I'm not to keen to look. It's also storming outside and I can hear the rain, thunder and twigs hitting the roof. Why is it so cold here? Now that the lights are out and I only have three candles by my bedside and no electricity, I'd probably be freezing my arse to death. No reading tonight.